Investing Time Only to Find Out He/She is Not the One

Are you single and tired of the dating all the wrong people? Are you tired of investing a lot of time dating someone only to find out that they are not a good fit for your requirements? Well if you feel this way you are not alone. The dating scene can be very challenging at times and finding the right person is not always easy.

Being an HR nerd, I was wondering if we could apply techniques used in hiring to help assess a potential “candidate” in dating. After all, there are many similarities between dating and staffing. Fundamentally, at the core, both activities are focused on finding the right fit with the right person. Specifically, I was wondering if we could apply behavioral interviewing techniques in dating. Before we proceed further, it is important that you understand the basic idea of behavioral interviewing questions.

Behavioral Interviewing

Behavioral interviewing is based on the premise that past behavior is a good predictor for future behavior. In HR, behavioral questions assess required job competencies (traits, skills, and abilities needed to perform a job well) by asking you to describe your past behavior in a work situation. Here are some examples of questions to illustrate the difference between behavioral questions versus traditional interview questions in assessing the competencies of rapport building and conflict resolution.

Building Rapport

Behavioral: Building rapport is sometimes a very challenging thing to do. Give an example of a time when you were able to build rapport with an individual group member, even when the situation was a difficult one?

Traditional: What is the best way to build rapport with people?

Conflict Resolution

Behavioral: Give me an example about a time when you dealt with a difficult customer. What was situation? How did you handle it? What was the final outcome?

Traditional: How would you deal with a difficult customer?

When compared to traditional interview questions, studies have found that behavioral questions better predicted job performance. Again, this technique is based on the theory that past behavior can predict future job performance. Thus, in job interviews, the thought is that it is better to ask how someone did behave in a certain situation rather than how they think they would or should behave.

Behavioral Dating Questions

So how can you use this ancient interviewing wisdom to help increase your dating success? By applying this theory of past behavior and behavioral questioning techniques, we present the Behavioral Dating Question. Based on the same theory of past behavior predicting future performance, behavioral dating questions or “BDQ’s” assess a person’s past behavior in certain relationship situation as a predictor of how they will behave in a similar situation with you. Below are some examples of behavioral dating questions.’

Successful couples know how to resolve conflict together. What are some best practices when it comes to resolving conflict with your spouse? Tell me about a time when you and your spouse had to resolve a potential relationship ending issue?

Being supportive in is an important aspect of a loving relationship. Describe a situation when you supported your spouse or significant other who was going through a tough time.

Now of course, you can be a bit more creative with the questions for example:

Tell me about a time when your significant other was talking to you but you were not interested. Did you fall asleep? How many cups of coffee did you drink?

Describe a situation when you forgot a significant date like your anniversary, her birthday, Valentines Day, and so on? How long did you sleep on the couch? How much did you end up spending to make up for this mistake?

When you are in a relationship, sometimes you are asked to attend an event with your partner’s family and/or friends but you do not really want to go. Give me an example of when that happened to you. What excuse did you make up to get out of your responsibilities?

I think you get the idea of just how fun and easy it is to incorporate behavioral questions in the dating search process. Incorporate the questions above as part of your first date chit chat and take advantage of the dead time that occurs in the moment after you order drinks and before the appetizer arrives. I can assure you that implementing this technique will not only help you more accurately assess potential candidates and predict “job performance” but it can make the typical boring first date a lot more entertaining.

Oh, as to how to answer these behavioral dating questions or how to score the answers, to examine this thoroughly would require a separate post. Perhaps this could be a topic for a potential future post called Find Romance With Behavioral Dating Questions Part 2. Stay tuned!

Now being a self-admitted 80′s music fan, what post could not really use a good 80′s hit to spice it up. So here is a famous love song by only one of the greatest 80′s bands with the best coiffure.

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Check out this funny job interview story!